The End

So, today was my last day of work. I thought it would feel like any other given day, and the fact that I wasn't going back wouldn't sink in until a couple of days afterwards. No, in fact, about three hours before it was time for me to go I home I began feeling really nervous and edgy. Maybe scared. I wondered why, because the prospect of not getting covered in wet dog hair and fighting with dogs and customers each day doesn't normally frighten me. And I wasn't sad to be leaving because I'm coming back in two months and it's just not that big of a deal. Plus I will see everyone I work with before then. So why was I feeling this way? Ah ha--I figured it out! This wasn't the end of work--this was being translated in my mind to a strong finality, that I was leaving and packing up my stuff, hanging up my smock and moving on to a different life. A different existence, identity, a whole new set of values. This was my last day of work, and when I come back I will not be Ally--not quite. I'll be a new mom, worried about my baby, my life centering around completely new things. I won't be a girl anymore by any standard, I'll be a full-fledged woman. I will look at everything differently. When I was cleaning my tools and oiling them to put away, I felt like I was packing for a trip where I had no clue where I was going or what I would be doing. And there's no return.
So, I said my goodbyes and drove home. I feel better now, but it was so strange! That was definitely an unexpected emotional response. I took a nice bath and am in some comfy pj's, watching/feeling Matt kick in futile vigor, trying to find a comfy position. I keep telling him, if he wants to stretch out, he can just come on out anytime. I'm ready! Well, as ready as I'll ever be, I guess. Time for some tea and a movie! I want to relax and enjoy my last few days/weeks of freedom.