Supply > Demand

So here's some pictures from my camera:

This is Matt today, sleeping in his bassinet after my last posting. Isn't he cute?

Friday at the clinic after being fed--he's so sleepy and happy!

Same place, same time as above :-)

Okay, again, same deal--he is just too cute and photogenic!

Sean with Matt soon after we came home. Amazing-observe a rare moment in time when Matt has TWO socks on his feet!

And this is--guess who--in the hospital bassinet a couple of days after being born.

Okay so, more coming soon! Here are some links to photos online:

http://www2.snapfish.com/share/p=863251167103711691/l=227113058/g=83494534/otsc=SYE/otsi=SALB

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5a7LbNF1q0

http://picasaweb.google.com/brendahol/MatthewSBirth

Yay!

I feel wonderful! I'm feeling really great today--even though today is Sean's first day of work since Matt's birth and even though last night I have had to get up the most times since he has been born to change/feed/change him. Now that the stress of breastfeeding is gone I feel like a new person! I can take him places, spend quality time with him, walk around with him and talk to him and show him things because it's ok if he decides he's hungry! Ah...today has just been great. I went to Sean's work and we got pizza and soda (my appetite is back!), then went to PetSmart to get lizard food, then went grocery shopping! Well, light grocery shopping. It felt so nice to be up and about! We came back and I changed/fed/burped Matt and then I just walked around with him talking. The entire time he was so happy and just looking at me in the eyes like everything I said was really meaningful. (which it wasn't--mostly random stuff and poo puns). Wow...see THIS is what motherhood is supposed to feel like! I'm doing well on alternating breast milk feedings and formula and he is taking to it well. He is eating so much! He went from eating just over 1 oz per feeding to 3 oz! Man, I love bottle feeding because those extra 2 oz is now another 5-10 minutes that we can just be in our own little world together in happiness, rather than another 5-10 minutes of awful pain and crying.
So now he is just hanging out in his bassinet. I think I will hold him some more until he falls asleep--it must be boring in there! So, I'll post later and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

ouch! babies hurt!

so...I am going to have to stop breastfeeding and just pump and supplement with formula. My breast milk is bloody! It really, really hurts to breastfeed and neither him nor I are good at it. It is the unhappiest time of day for both of us. When I first fed him expressed breast milk from a bottle, that was the first time since birth that we were able to look into each others eyes and have a really nice bonding experience. I have struggled with the decision for a couple of days, but this morning when I went to pump and my milk was red with blood, I decided that this wasn't right for either of us. Hey--he'll still be getting my milk, just supplemented. I am not making enough anyway--he is always hungry and I can't pump enough. He eats so much! So...at first I was really worried and thought that would mean I was a bad mom and copping out and denying him the experience of breastfeeding...but I realized that it was getting to the point that I wasn't even holding him except to feed him and put him to bed. The feeding time was so terrible I was afraid that if I held him he might be hungry. And honestly--that's not healthy. This morning I fed him by bottle and actually wanted to carry him around and show him things and talk to him because I wasn't afraid of making him hungry.
So anyway, last night was fun. He went through a ton of diapers and outfits and feedings. Heh...one time we took off his diaper to change him and he peed all over his face while crying. I felt bad for him...but it was pretty funny. Poor guy!
So yes...I am sure some people would tell me I am being a bad mom for not trying harder to breastfeed, but too bad! Bloody breast milk can't be good for him (well--high iron), and when we're both crying trying to breastfeed, it's not a good experience. And yes, I have seen lactation specialists...it all seems so easy when I am there but once I get home it's back to the angry nipple chomping and screaming.
Anyway, that's about it. I'm getting my staples out on Tuesday--yay! I am numb in an area above them, so I'll have to make sure to ask the doctor about that. I can kind of feel pressure...so maybe sensation will eventually come back.
Okay, I'll post later!

Matt has entered the building!

Okay, well, I am sure you guys all know by the comments left on my last posting that Matt is here! (plus at my absence of posts). He is so perfect! The umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his neck and they had to do a c-section. Hey, it wasn't my first choice but the feeling of the horrible painful contractions fading into nothingness was rather wonderful. I only have a small incision that even my lo-rise bikini underwear covers.

He was 8 lbs, 3 ounces, and 19 and 1/2 inches long. He has MY hair! For some reason, that was the strangest part. I only got to see him for a few seconds after he was born, and because my arms were strapped down I could only nuzzle him and kiss him and tell him I love him. I didn't get to see him for almost three hours! I did see photos of him and it was really unreal. It only was real when I finally got to hold him. He was crying and crying and when I picked him up and talked to him he quieted down immediately and looked me in the eyes--THAT'S when it became real.
Anyway, now I am home. I got released early from the hospital because I was doing so well after the c-section. Today marks 5 days after I gave birth to Matthew, and I am not in much pain and I am walking around mostly okay. I still can't lift anything, but I'm pretty mobile. Ooo--and I made a point of putting on normal clothes today, even though the shirt is going to come off soon anyway for breastfeeding.
Ah, breastfeeding. It really isn't coming naturally for either of us. Now he will at least latch on and it will go okay, but it's been and still is a struggle. Plus, it's insanely painful. I dread feeding time. But, I know it'll get better once him and I really get the hang of it.

He is a VERY active baby--when they took him out of me and put him in the incubator he was rolling around and kicking and punching--they had to put something underneath one side so it was inclined so he couldn't roll so much. He is super alert and takes a great interest in his surroundings even though I know he can't see them that clearly. He will stare at you...well me...in the eyes for such long periods of time. It's really precious.
As far as I can tell he is on schedule development-wise. There is a very specific pattern of pooping that newborns are supposed to follow, and he's on track. Yay! I never thought I could be so thrilled about stuff like that. Right now he is sound asleep in his bassinet after a nice long feeding. He did stay awake for a good half hour afterwards, just looking around at stuff. I wonder if he is bored sometimes, but then I remember that literally EVERYTHING is new to him.
Anyway, I am hungry and don't have much time until he is hungry again. There's lots more to talk about like who visited and what the hospital was like and such, but it's going to have to wait.


There are many, many more pictures, but these are all my limited time has to offer right now. Thank you everyone for your support!

=Ouch

Cat on mouse again. Anyway this is going to be short. I am having contractions and they hurt so, so bad. I had a couple yesterday but they weren't this bad and they stopped after a while. I have tried everything to make these ones go away but they keep coming. I think I might be in labor--but whether or not the labor is real, these stupid contractions are real. I can't talk/walk through them...or type...there just had another. That one wasn't too bad. Some of them are mostly back pain, some mostly uterine, some both. I'm not bothering to count them yet--they're about 10 min apart. Actually the really really bad ones are 10 min apart with smaller ones in between. This sucks! But, I'm still glad that labor has possibly arrived. These woke me up out of my sleep. (typing because everyone else is sleeping and it keeps me occupied). I was having this dream that I was in WoW (World of Warcraft) and switching from Hoarde to Alliance doing Christmas lights (?????), and each time I'd switch I'd wake up with horrible pain (a contraction), then fall back asleep. Yes, I woke Sean up, but...crap...ouch. Ok that was another. They hurt so badly I feel sick. I am going to go--I'll post again if they go away (I swear to everything holy if I go through this pain and I'm not in real labor I am going to go postal!). If they don't go away...you'll be getting a call!

My Cat Does Not Enjoy Me Blogging

He can't decide whether to stand in front of the monitor, walk on the keyboard or lay on the mouse. Tough choice! Right now he is laying on the mouse.
Anyway, no labor.
Anyway, I cleaned the gross couch today. I scrubbed it by hand with a scrub brush using hot water and detergent then sucked it up with my half-working upholstery cleaner. (Half working because it won't clean anything but it'll suck up the yucky water). It was SO GROSS! So much black water came up. Mixing many people and 4 animals and a white couch really, really doesn't mesh well in my book. Blah. It still looks yucky, but at least not to the point where it acts as a neighborhood crime deterrent.
Anyway, just a short post to let everyone know that absolutely nothing is going on. And to let you know that when everyone visits they will have a nice clean couch to sit on.

Matt's Due Date!

Can it technically still be called a due date if he doesn't arrive? I mean, as of this post, he has 40 more minutes to come, but something tells me he won't :-). I had a doctor's appointment today, again. They hooked me up to a fetal monitor to perform what is called a "non-stress test". They check fetal heartbeat, movements and contractions for regularity and signs of stress. He is doing well, very healthy and wonderful. I am not dilated any more, however I am having contractions every 6-7 minutes. Fake ones, of course. The doctor said it was my body getting prepared for labor (really? wow!). Another doctor saw me today and asked if I had been drinking raspberry leaf tea. I said yup, tons of it, and it's not doing anything. He seemed very surprised and just kept repeating things like "Really? Wow! And this is raspberry LEAF tea? Wow...and it's not doing anything? Wow. Huh. I guess your uterus must not be sensitive to the chemicals in it. Wow..." Yeah, yeah. Thanks for rubbing it in! Anyway, they said if I hadn't gone into labor by Tuesday (my next appointment), they would induce me. So, either way, less than a week until I can hold Matt and everyone can meet him!!!
Today was pretty uneventful. Sean and I hung out at his mom's house all day, watching movies and eating. Had a gardenburger for lunch and yummy sushi for dinner. Mmm. With lots of wasabe. Yeah, Matt didn't care, the massive amounts of wasabe didn't faze him one bit. Pretty much just been hanging out and playing WoW....waiting for the onset of labor!!!

s'now snow like mountian snow

So after my rather disappointing doctor's appointment, we all decided we would cheer up and go up the nearest mountain and see the snow.

We ate at a nice home style cooking cafe (the Idyllwild Cafe to be exact). I got some delicious waffles and hash browns, and Sean and Joey got some yummy stuff too. They close at 2! Everyplace there closes at 2!!!

It's a small town, kind of artsy rich place that tries really, really hard to look innocent mountain town-ish even though you know everyone up there is rich. (By the way, if you look closely at the above picture, that IS a dead snowball on my back. It's okay. I got revenge.)

There was a cool organic foods store and I got some raspberry leaf tea which I had read can trigger contractions and my OB/GYN recommended it today. It tastes very strange, certainly not (let me go get the box) "a robust, full bodied flavor reminiscent of fine black tea".

Yeah, reminiscent if you're on crack! I let two teabags steep for 10 minutes in a small teapot, poured myself a mug and put one of the teabags in there to steep more. After 5 more minutes I took a sip and it tasted like really watered down cheap chamomile tea...kind of. Anyhow the flavor certainly isn't "robust". Perhaps compared to...no....even tap water has a more robust flavor (especially my tap water here in Hemet...).


Anyhow, here's us in the snow. Stop laughing all you New Englanders! Snow is rare here! Didn't get any pictures of the town--just picture a bunch of wooden bungalow-type shops that boast of organic food and art galleries. And a quaint wooden liquor store. Of course.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!

So says the cervix. I KNOW God is making me wait specifically because he knows I am an impatient person. I know it! I'll probably have a 12 month long pregnancy. He's never, EVER coming out until I accept that he is never ever coming out then maybe he will. Okay...deep breath.
So, went to my appointment today, I am still at the same dilation, his head is still in the same place, the Earth is still rotating around the sun, etc. I asked about possible induction on my due date and she said no, that it's their policy to make the mother suffer--I mean--wait until a week after the due date to consider induction, including manually breaking my water. So I have another appointment on Friday, but I think that's just a non-stress test which will monitor the heartbeat and movements and analyze them. They'll probably check me for dilation too. Then I will go in again on Tuesday. And again and again, while they all marvel about how long my pregnancy is and how they never thought a baby could get so big. I wonder if I can enroll for preschool? Any interactive classes where maybe I could teach him shapes by pressing them against my belly. Then he will grow up and be famous for having the first marriage--IN THE WOMB! Because he's never, EVER coming out!
(secretly hoping maybe reverse psychology will work some voodoo magic and I'll go into labor tonight)
Which won't happen, of course. But wouldn't it be nice?

better now

I feel better now, I've been taking it easy and eating good food. I'm looking forward to my doctor's appointment tomorrow. If I am dilated some more then I may just wait for labor to start naturally, but I don't think I am so I am really going to beg for them to induce me on Friday. I know they usually don't like to do it until you're a week or so overdue because they don't want to put unnecessary drugs in your system. But reading up on it, I think since I am already dilated/effaced they shouldn't have a problem with at least breaking my water or what they call "stripping the membranes". I shouldn't need drugs to get labor started at this point--just my water to break.
BUT--we'll see what the doctor says because that's most important. And I am still going on long walks and trying to induce labor safely and naturally. :-)
So now my week has become so dull that I look forward obsessively to my doctor's appointment each day. How sad!
Okay, going to go now, I'm at my mother-in-laws waiting for the appraiser to come because she is at work. I'll post about the doctor's appointment tomorrow!

sick?!

I feel so sick this morning! I woke up at 7 and haven't been able to sleep since. I feel super, super nauseous, and laying down only makes it worse! I am really trying to drink water, but that isn't going so well. I don't want to puke but my body sure does! Last night I had diarrhea pretty bad which is really unusual because before I got pregnant I NEVER got it. The times I got it even a little bit (only having to go one time) I could count on one hand. Being pregnant sucks. Now I get nausea, diarrhea, heartburn...LAME! I guess this morning Matt must have been laying on my stomach or something because laying down usually helps but right now the only thing helping is me being upright. :-( I feel like crap :-(.
Anyway, I found out Sean doesn't have to go back to school until January (winter break) and his boss gave him until the 27th off from work! So now would be a really, REALLY conveinant time to give birth. If I am late, Sean won't be able to take more time off (and we couldn't afford it anyway). I am wondering if I can get induced on my due date. I am going to talk to my doctor about it on wednesday when I go in for my appointment. It's not like I don't have people willing to help, it would just be nice to get some family bonding in and figure stuff out as new parents.
Blah...still sick. I just want to curl up in bed and not get up...except for the fact I can't! Okay, I am going to go attempt to drink some water...I am sure some of this nausea is caused by dehydration from the diarrhea. >:-(

Name Games

When I told Sean I had decided on the name, he said he really didn't care anymore and whatever I want to do with the last names is fine (and he meant it, he wasn't being dramatic). Maybe I will go with Holloway-Purvis...it seems to go smoother. Oh well, anyway he is definatly giving me lots of time to think about it!

Hmm...

Well if anything I like Purway...sound very catlike. Purrrway...I can picture Matt stalking people in the shadowy back alleys, dressed like a cat. And getting locked up. Lol....hmm. Or Purvoway, which sounds like some bogus As Seen On TV infomercial type perv neutralizer. I believe Sean and I are meant to be together, but our names sure aren't! I am probably just going to hyphenate them. If I hadn't decided on a middle name I would just do Matthew Purvis Holloway, but I really like Edward. So it'll be Matthew Edward Purvis-Holloway. And yes, I have thought about the what-ifs, like what if he grows up and wants to marry Mary Sue Lame-Hyphenation? I have decided that I don't see what's wrong being Mr. & Mrs. Matthew Edward Purvis-Holloway-Lame-Hyphenation. Maybe the junk mail people won't bother them as much. Other cultures have many names--I don't see why it's so bad. Each side of the family has valid reasons for wanting their names passed on so I'm going to honor them both. If there were ANY other Holloways able/ready to pass their name along it wouldn't be a big deal, but there's no one else so far! Everyone has changed their last names! At least Sean's side has plenty of Purvis to pass. :-P
So, anyway, it's going to be Matthew Edward Purvis-Holloway. (Purvis first because his family seems to care so much about it and I'm cool either way). And yes, I know you can spell HEMP with his initials. He can be a hemp Matt. All natural. 100% organic.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I will post later!

ARRRRGHHHH

That kid is going to drive me CRAZY!!!! Long story short (don't have much time), I began to have frequent contractions yesterday but they weren't painful. I called the maternity ward and they said to wait until they were 5 minutes apart for an hour. I waited and counted, and eventually they were less than 5 minutes apart for over an hour. I went in, it was very busy, my contractions continued, and after an hour they finally saw me. The nurse asked me what was going on and I told her I knew I was dilated since Wednesday and my cervix was soft etc, and I had been having contractions 5 minutes apart for over an hour and come in because that's what the lady on the phone told me to do. She said that was interesting because they usually tell first time moms to wait until the contractions are 2-3 minutes apart for 2-3 hours. They hooked me up and checked me, my dilation was the same, they monitored me for an hour and checked again, the contractions had slowed and my dilation was still the same. So, they sent me home and told me not to come in unless A. My water breaks, B. I get heavy bleeding (duh), or C. My contractions are very close together and I cannot walk/talk through them.
So yes--false alarm. GRR! He better come soon...this wait and see game is getting old!

Yes, he's still inside

I'm still waiting...I take very long walks each day with my dogs. The doctor said being active generally speeds up labor. You know what I think? I think if your body is already used to being very active during pregnancy, me being active now is just the norm! Maybe I should try laying around watching Days of Our Lives. Then my body will be shocked into labor.
Except I don't have the sort of self discipline it would take to watch horrible soaps and not pass out from the absurdity.
I have been feeling really restless lately. Last night I went on a really long walk, came home, and then went to the local 24 hour Walmart Supercenter and walked around...PACED around I should say...for 2 hours. And today I went out various places and just finished a long walk exploring the local neighborhoods and I'M STILL RESTLESS! However, I feel absolutely no compulsion to clean; which kind of sucks because I am avoiding doing chores waiting for the nesting instinct to kick in. *sigh*
I GUESS I can clean today. Maybe that'll trigger something inctinct-ish. Yeah, like the instinct that tells me that dusting sucks and it probably doesn't really matter if my shower has soap scum on it. I mean really--I don't see the big deal. It's white! I didn't even know what it was until boot camp where my drill instructor told me to clean the head and pointed inbetween the tiles and told me to clean the soap scum off. The what? The soap scum, RECRUIT! THE WHITE STUFF IN THE TILES! SCRUB! Ohhhkayyy...
La la...procrastination...
Okay, okay, I'll get to cleaning!

Soon and very soon...

So I went to my doctor appointment today, and this time she checked me for dilation. I am 1 and 1/2 centimeters dilated, my cervix is VERY soft, and he is at -2 station. To translate: my cervix is opening to prepare for labor, since it is soft once I begin to have contractions/go into labor my dilation should go pretty fast because my cervix is 100% ready, and he has started to descend through the birth canal. She said she did not have to look very hard to find his head--from inside! She can feel his head! I have lost my mucus plug (I didn't know I had) so nothing is standing in the way of me going into labor! No milestones I still need to pass. My water may or may not break, a lot of women's waters do not break by themselves. If mine does, I am to go to the hospital right away, no waiting for contractions to begin (I'm guessing because of the state of my cervix things could go quickly). I asked her what all my signs mean in terms of when I will go into labor and she said within a week. YAY! I didn't even think I had begun to dilate yet or had lost my mucus plug but apparently...I don't know as much as I think I do about the state of things down there! Okay, that's about it. If anything happens like, say, I go into labor, I will let everyone know (most likely by phone first but if I am waiting in between contractions I may post a tiny post saying something like "going into labor now, it hurts more than anything I could have imagined, I am scared, post later"). Today I plan on not going into labor. I have to go to Sean's award ceremony tonight in Riverside and I am going to go see a movie with Joey. Okay, I'll let you know how things go!

YAY

YAY!!! I've done all my Christmas shopping!!!! YAY!!! Thank God for grammy's check and the gift certificates--I got pretty much everything I wanted to get for everybody. I kind of broke the bank, (but not really because I'm pretty responsible with my money) but it was SO WORTH IT! I don't even want anything for Christmas, I just can't wait until everyone opens their gifts. And the coolest thing happened--I went to Circuit City because I had a gift certificate there left over from last year and Sean and Joey wanted CDs and DVDs and they're actually pretty cheap there. When I was checking out, the total was pretty high (almost $100) and I almost fainted...but decided it was ok, I just wouldn't get them any more gifts. I took out my gift card and told the guy it was for like 5 bucks and I'd pay the rest on my card. HE SWIPED IT AND THERE WAS SO MUCH MONEY ON THERE MY TOTAL WENT DOWN TO $34!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! What an awesome wonderful suprise! It put me in a really great mood for the rest of the day because now I could get stuff for people I wasn't going to be able to get! So, I'm pretty much done. I still need to find something for Brenda and Andy--I just don't know what they would want. (So, Brenda, if you're reading this, now would be a good time to send me an e-mail or call and let me know what you'd like for Christmas). I don't have enough money to get my co-workers gifts, but I know they'll understand. So yes...now I have to get to wrapping! Okay, I'll post again tomorrow and let everyone know how the doctor's appointment tomorrow goes.

New Family

Yay--my cousin Devin is now a dad, and I have a new 1st cousin once removed. I looked it up. And soon I'll be giving HIM a first cousin once removed. Strange. There's absolutely no new additions to the Schafer side of the family for 20 years and suddenly there's two in a month! Anyway, just sitting around, going to go christmas shopping today. Hopefully my best friend Jana can come along. Anyway, not much else to say. I am nowhere near going into labor. My mother-in-law's bet was today and I think she is wrong. Yesterday she hastily changed it to "well...it's going to be A tuesday...maybe not THIS tuesday..." mm hmm. Anyway, just a quick post to announce the arrival of my relative! His name is Andrew Jacob--very nice name. Okay, post at you later!

And Today I...

I wanted to get those nursery pictures up as quickly as possible, since I just e-mailed a bunch out and told those I mailed them to that if they couldn't see the pictures then they could visit my blog, and some of these people are avid e-mail checkers and I didn't want to lead them astray :-P. So anyway, yesterday and today were pretty cool. I already posted about my doctor's appointment, but later that afternoon/evening I met my mother-in-law in Temecula where we had a DELICIOUS dinner (mmm, spinach and artichoke dip AND pizza!). Then we went to Babies-R-Us which had just opened near my work. It turns out we by chance came on the first night they were open and the staff was really helpful. I was asking one woman if they carried any safety locks for sliding closet doors, and she said they didn't but with her 18 month old she just uses a broom handle to hold them shut and that works great. I appreciated the cheap advice :-). So my mother-in law took me on a shopping spree and bought the remaining stuff--bassinet mattress cover, bassinet sheets, a mattress pad for the crib and more sheets. We got these weird things I had never even SEEN before (which she and my friend Jana both assured me were super essential); they are really thin fleece blankets that are kind of stiff and are waterproof. Apparently you use them to change baby on so he doesn't mess up whatever surface he's on, and they're especially nice on the public changing stations. According to Jana, those public changing stations are really cold and baby will scream bloody murder if you put his bare butt on them, so it's best to have one of those pads handy for comfort/sanitary reasons. They also make good burping cloths, a good place to lay baby on anywhere, etc. And to think--I didn't know I even needed those things! I was just going to take some puppy pads with me to change him on the go. Well--I have a ton of unused ones and they're soft on top, absorbent, and waterproof on the bottom. My mother-in-law insisted that I am NOT going to use puppy pads. Honestly, I don't see why not. I am still taking a few in my diaper bag anyway. We got some swaddling blankets ( I only had a couple), a swaddler (an extremely confusing looking blanket thingie that is made specifically for swaddling that I have NO CLUE how to use even after reading the directions), all the hygiene/health stuff, and some waterproof burping cloths. Which, as my mom in law assured me, won't ever be in the right place anyway but they're still good to have. Now I am nervous...what other commonly used "indispensable" things don't I know about??? To think I was so silly to think all a baby needed was two loving parents, two breasts filled with milk, and a blanket. HAH! It's not that simple anymore!!!!

Too much time

So, since I have had TONS of time to get things done, I have finished the nursery (yes, I know, it's about the billionth time I've said that), and taken some pictures. The nursery wasn't REALLY finished before because I didn't have any waterproof stuff (like mattress pads, bassinet sheets/pads, random waterproof fleece mats, waterproof cloth burping cloths, etc). I also didn't have any hygiene stuff or had finished putting away random things like the walker/swing/doorway jumper. Plus, I re-did the crib so that the bumper was more secure and safe, and didn't restrict the drop side of the crib. (makes life so much easier!). So now I have shampoo/body wash (regular and soothing), and unscented baby lotion (I figure if I'm using it on dry/red/flaky skin it doesn't need scent in it to irritate his skin more). I now have an EAR thermometer and some infant Tylenol drops, as well as diaper cream, baby powder, and diapers of varying sizes (I have more than what appears in the pictures). Brenda is bringing a big thing of baby wipes tomorrow, I have extra sheets, a good working knowledge of the car seat and stroller, and my bags (diaper and overnight), which are all packed. SO HE CAN COME ANYTIME!!! Any day now...

Another boring day

But not as boring as some. I had my 37 (almost 38) week check-up today. I am right on schedule, he is still head-first, everything is good. I dropped another pound (oh did I mention I have been losing weight?), but he is growing healthy and well. Anyway I am not worried about the pounds--I have been eating a whole bunch of food non stop since being on leave so it's not me! Plus the way I look at it is this: I started my pregnancy 15 lbs above my normal weight due to the birth control, so according to the doctor I have only gained 15 lbs during this pregnancy. However, since my pre-pregnancy weight never fluctuated in 6 years no matter what until the birth control, I am guessing I lost a lot of the weight when I went off and so have actually gained closer to 25 lbs. So yes. Anyway they don't seem concerned, which is odd considering they probably think I lied when I first came in and said I was normally 15 lbs lighter. Anyway.
Still sitting around waiting to go into labor! I scheduled a tour of the maternity ward Monday at 7pm, I'll let you all know how it goes. This Sunday is the Christmas party, and next Wednesday night is an awards ceremony for ITT Tech which will honor Sean for getting the highest honors in his class. So I guess I can wait to have Matt for a while. BUT HE WILL BE BORN BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! Seriously!
Okay, going to go now. Have very important things to do. (ha ha).

ExtrBord.exe

Today is my first day off...for a LONG time...and just waiting for Matt to arrive! That can be tedious. My first official day without caffeine--that is going well because I am not tired and I'm not having headaches or anything. Might go buy some ginger ale or something to ease my craving for soda though. I am so bored! I'm not bored now because I took Joey to a doctor appointment today and just finished getting back, eating and taking the dogs on a walk. I'm bored in advance for the next few weeks where I will have nothing to do but wait. Plus as of this moment we only have $80 in our checking, so I can't go do anything fun or buy that soda because we don't have the money! Even that is frustrating because we will be perfectly fine on money in about a week, it's just right now that sucks because they delayed Sean's GI Bill because of Thanksgiving so it won't come until the 5th instead of the 1st when it was supposed to come. Grr! I want to go Christmas shopping! We're actually rolling in the dough this month thanks to my commissioned income for two weeks this month, and Sean's income, plus disability pay, plus 40 hours of sick pay, plus my vacation is getting cashed out (because I didn't use it), so that's over 40 hours of vacation pay, plus Sean's GI bill, plus the money Joey gives us. But not now! Argh! Plus it's Christmas--presents and shipping and cards and postage...yick. Anyway, I have to go! Going to pick up Joey's prescriptions. Maybe my water will break on the way. I'll go over the speed bumps extra fast. That would be nice :-)

The End

So, today was my last day of work. I thought it would feel like any other given day, and the fact that I wasn't going back wouldn't sink in until a couple of days afterwards. No, in fact, about three hours before it was time for me to go I home I began feeling really nervous and edgy. Maybe scared. I wondered why, because the prospect of not getting covered in wet dog hair and fighting with dogs and customers each day doesn't normally frighten me. And I wasn't sad to be leaving because I'm coming back in two months and it's just not that big of a deal. Plus I will see everyone I work with before then. So why was I feeling this way? Ah ha--I figured it out! This wasn't the end of work--this was being translated in my mind to a strong finality, that I was leaving and packing up my stuff, hanging up my smock and moving on to a different life. A different existence, identity, a whole new set of values. This was my last day of work, and when I come back I will not be Ally--not quite. I'll be a new mom, worried about my baby, my life centering around completely new things. I won't be a girl anymore by any standard, I'll be a full-fledged woman. I will look at everything differently. When I was cleaning my tools and oiling them to put away, I felt like I was packing for a trip where I had no clue where I was going or what I would be doing. And there's no return.
So, I said my goodbyes and drove home. I feel better now, but it was so strange! That was definitely an unexpected emotional response. I took a nice bath and am in some comfy pj's, watching/feeling Matt kick in futile vigor, trying to find a comfy position. I keep telling him, if he wants to stretch out, he can just come on out anytime. I'm ready! Well, as ready as I'll ever be, I guess. Time for some tea and a movie! I want to relax and enjoy my last few days/weeks of freedom.